The ultimate in dismissive phrases we hear from family and friends is, “Oh, you’re just going through a phase and you’ll get bored with it and then things will go back to normal”. Normal for them maybe, but each of us has our own normal and a lot of times it isn’t the same as everyone else’s.
The attack on our youth
Ever since a certain imposter weaseled his way into the office of President of the United States the bigots have been coming out of the woodwork and openly attacking the Trans community. As most have seen in the media there is new legislation being passed in many states that are targeting the wellbeing of Trans youth in particular. One thing that is rising up, once again, is the claim that the dysphoria we experience is just a phase and it will blow over.
I heard this phrase about many things when I was growing up and many of them are things I still do to this day, though the parachute pants thing was just a phase and it did blow over. The problem with treating even the little things in this manner is that we lose faith in expressing our desires to those that we should be able to confide in, because we know it’s going to get shrugged off as us going through a phase.
We are seeing people that have very powerful positions not only in government but also in our healthcare system that are choosing to side with religion and right wing bigotry. I won’t hash up everything going on with JKR, but even our fandoms where we could express ourselves with many other like minded people are under attack by their creators.
This simply equates to an all out declaration of war on young people at one of the most fragile and impactful times of their lives.
My own “phase”
The absolute bullshit legislation going on right now hits me hard because I remember being young and wanting to come out but keeping myself hidden for fear of my life. I grew up in a very diverse community and there was a lot of support if you were lesbian or gay, but if you were Trans you were a fetish and ridiculed as a sissy, a tomboy, and many other things that I really don’t want to trigger people with. This was in Santa Cruz, CA!
So, when I started going through puberty I got really confused. I knew that my body had boy parts but I was secretly wishing that by some chance I would grow breasts and maybe my penis would retract into a vagina. Yes, this is how little I understood human biology, no, we did not have google as this was the 1980’s! I feel that I was very lucky that I had an affinity for music and especially for singing, this meant I could be in choir.
While some sports were coed and band was typically coed, choir was mostly dominated by the girls. I had been training to sing since I was four and music was something that was always part of my life. So, when the opportunity to sing in middle school came about I had found my refuge. I could be in my element and girl out a bit in class, but afterwards it ended and I had to go back to boy mode.
In retrospect I now understand why I worked so hard to keep my voice in the higher range. I was able to keep in the soprano range until I hit High School and then it was expected of me to sing tenor.
So, I ask you, was this just a phase? Or was something else going on that no one wanted to address and help me to work on becoming the person I really wanted to be?
What’s next?
I am getting into some pretty dark territory in my own life because back then when I was really starting to experience changes in my body and feeling how wrong things were with my growth, I was not happy. I was in a position that I still see some of our Trans youth get to because they don’t have the support to help them understand what is going on and that it is okay, and that it is normal.
For too many of us we don’t see a reason to keep going and given the choice of carrying on in a world that hates us is too much. Too many of our Trans youth find a way to end their life because they don’t feel they have any other choice, and because they feel they are encouraged to by those that oppress us.
I’ve been on that precipice many times. I’ve had the opportunity to just say enough and good by to the rest of the world. I have seriously considered taking my own life because I saw so much hatred directed at the real me that I kept locked away from everyone else.
This is the “What’s next” I want to help prevent and that is the fight right now! Our Trans youth are under attack and they need us to stand up to these people that feel the need to abuse the power they have been given to attack us.
What’s next needs to be redefined for these children that should be loved and cherished for who they are. What’s next needs to be allowing us to live without fear and with the same rights as everyone else.
What’s next, starts with you.
