June 2021
I was 45 years old and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy my life or the way I was living, but there was always that knowledge that I could be living so much more, and much more completely.
I knew that this was the time for me to crack my egg and to let others know that I am Trans.
How does one decide to come out?
For the last couple of years I had been dressing more feminine and sharing part of my wife’s wardrobe so I could indulge in my femininity without really letting things out of the bag. I had also started wearing a little eyeshadow now and then, especially at our weekend markets while vending. Even though this was seen more as a costume it gave me the opportunity to let myself out safely and then creep back into the closet afterward and go back into boy mode. I think I will save those details for future posts though as they deserve their own spotlight.
What really tipped the scale for me to come out was when I found out that our local Pride Group, Out and Proud Grays Harbor Coalition, was going to have a float in the local parade. We have always been supportive of this group and even though my wife would not be there I decided I really wanted to walk with them. Then it really hit me that I really wanted to walk with them as me, in makeup, in a skirt, and fully letting the girl out. That was when I decided it was time.
Coming out to the right people, at the right time
Once I realized I needed to do this my mind raced with a thousand and more questions and fears, after all, this was going to change my life forever.
It became clear that I needed to speak to my wife first and work things through, everyone else would find out at the parade.
She definitely knew that something was changing with me but my fear of what coming out would bring forced me to keep this secret from someone I should not be keeping secrets from.
My only justification for this was that I had been keeping the secret for so long that it had become a part of who I was. It was safer to keep that secret than face the hatred, bigotry, and fetishization I saw so many others being subjected to. And, this will be another post in the future as it is so important to know why we keep closeted.
The discussion with my wife took most of a week to get through as she had heard about Trans people but did not understand how it would impact our relationship. The conversation was eye opening for me as well since I had not discussed this with anyone else so it was my first time relating a lot of what being Trans is, and how it relates to me.
Coming out to the entire community
Many people need only to come out to their friends, family, and co-workers. Not everyone needs to come out to their entire community.
I don’t mean to belittle anyone’s experience with coming out as this is a big accomplishment and has it’s own challenges for each person.
I was in, what is currently, a unique situation because I was currently holding a public office which meant I also needed to come out publicly to the entire City of Aberdeen in Washington state.
The first part of this was not unlike coming out to a company as I needed to speak with HR, but I also needed to speak with our Legal Council to make sure we handled all of the governmental stuff properly.
I think I was a bit lucky that the COVID pandemic was still in full surge when I decided to come out as I was able to do so over Zoom instead of in Council Chambers where everyone would be right there. Even so I knew that once this was done not only would the entire community know, it would also be in the public record for our City Council meeting.
In all, things didn’t go half bad
Over the years I have done a lot to distance myself from the toxic people that have come into my life, including family and those that called themselves my friend. This helped immensely as I had a lot of positivity around me when I announced myself as a transgender woman and that I would be taking steps to make myself look the way I felt inside.
When I walked with OPGHC in the parade I felt a sense of acceptance from them and from many that I handed out keychains and such to. There were a few scowls from some of the more conservative people, but for the most part I had a wonderful time and a great experience with my community.
What came next, well that will be yet another post.